You were served by: Lionel Hutz*

I went to Co-Op, and all I got was this lousy magnificent idea for how to fix a bit of my rewrite. (And pink wafer biscuits: they’re the new black wafer biscuits, did you hear?) It is all about how my main character is supposed to be writing a novel, but keeps being distracted and updating her blog inst…oh, hang on.

Today work sent me to Christ Church College, to pick up some leaflets from a man who wasn’t there. (Neither were the leaflets.) If only someone would invent an electrical speaking telephonic device to avoid such catastrophes! Then again, I would have missed out on meeting the Christ Church porters (or beadles, or bulldogs, or whatever they call the chaps in the bowler hats over at The Hice), who are lovely. Possibly they were charmed by the way my University ID photo has two large staples across my forehead, giving me a raffishly modern Frankenstein’s monsteresque je ne sais quoi: possibly my failure to use the phrase ‘Where is the Harry Potter Dining Hall?’ made them extra perky. But they ran around like anything for me, and even chased one of their number out of the gents in the hopes he could help. I thought they were supposed to be terrifyingly stern?

My laptop is covered in pink dust now. Utterly True Fact Of The Day: they make pink wafer biscuits out of the crushed shells of those shrimps you get in cinema pick’n’mix. With just a dash of Mavis Cruet.

*This is what it said on my receipt, as all the self-serve tills are claiming to be Simpsons characters at the moment. It was all Harry Potter last year. I miss having my change given to me by Dumbledore…

My own completely incomprehensible handwriting. Shoulda been a doctor.
Tedious work-related email.
My-So-Called Life on dvd. Mmm, Jordan Catalano…


3 thoughts on “You were served by: Lionel Hutz*”

  1. What – our COOP no longer uses Harry Potter characters? Oh the nerve. I thought it came from a genuine love of HP, not some commercial movie-tie-in…Years and years ago I used to play this silly game on IRC (Internet Relay Chat). It was a rapid fire quiz. You had a minute to pick one of two teams – stuff would flash on the screen like ‘MG joins Team ‘We Hate Apricot Jam” and other team members (complete strangers from all over the world) would cheer. Then the question woudl flash up. A common one was: Characters from The Simpsons. You had to then types as quickly as possible, all the names you could. In one minute. The screen went crazy, scrolling all te answers and who typed them. Then the winning team would be announced. More typed cheers. I actually took time away from my lab bench to do this. God help me.This was when The Simpsons was popular but only available in the UK on Sky, which not that many people had back then. Including me. This game was actually the very first place I heard names like Lionel Hutz, Moe, Sideshow Bob. Every time I watch The Simpsons I think of that dumb game and how much time I wasted on it. And how much fun it was.

  2. I know! Nelson Muntz is on the right: always knew that kid had a future.I was one of those people who only knew the Simpsons from ‘Do The Bartman’ and other horrors until it came to Channel 4. Quite bewildering to discover that Homer was the main character (and that it was so very brilliant) when it had been marketed entirely as some cartoon about an annoying brat who said ‘Eat My Shorts’ a lot.Oh, IRC, how I miss your time-eating ways and your blinding scroll. Thank heaven the Scrabulous app on Facebook exists: now I can pretend my time-wasting is highbrow.

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