Never was a story of more woe…

I’ve been dumped, dear reader. Cruelly and unceremoniously dumped. It’s been 7 years since the relationship began and we’ve been inseparable ever since, curled up together night after night. Friends used to come over not just to see me, but to see us both. Sometimes I’d turn down a night out with them so we could have a little quality time, just the two of us. But I get home tonight and boom! It’s over.

No one should be abandoned like that. There should be some build-up, some subtle hint that things are drawing to an end: a furtive eyeroll at my efforts to channel-hop so efficiently I can watch two programs at once; a dismissive sigh as Buffy S4 goes in the dvd player again. True, there was that nagging problem with the right-hand speaker that would go off in a sulk every now and then. But I thought we were working through that! I compromised! I waggled that bloody SCART cable and twiddled the aerial and ignored how there wasn’t a second SCART socket so I had to stand on my head and perform spaghetti-unravelling every time I wanted to watch a video! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT, EH?

I do have a confession to make. Lately, I have been thinking of, well, ‘trading up’. I’ve been looking at other televisions: sleeker, slimmer televisions, with ‘on’ buttons that work first time. I felt guilty at first, but now? When that first advance cheque comes through, mister, expect to find yourself well and truly replaced. And don’t think I’ll be pining for you, either, because my new honey is going to be widescreen. Size matters, k?

Inappropriately attached to my telly? Moi?

Naturally, this happens after I spend a weekend chained to the laptop getting the (hopefully?) final draft of the book done and dusted, and thus at the precise moment where all I want to do is loll slack-jawed in front of due South repeats. But I’m less distraught than I was when my laptop performed the same trick back in May, which was frankly so upsetting that I almost considered buying one of Siralan’s Emailer phones. (I said almost.) I am suffering from the usual ‘there’s been a power cut’ goldfish mentality: can’t watch Neighbours, bugger, ah well, Friends is probably on E4 instead…oh, hang on… But between the laptop dvd player and the likes of TV Links, I have a pretend telly of sorts. Does this make me a desk potato?

Missing Flight of the Conchords and Charlie Brooker again, though. Second week in a row. I shall be making sure not to walk underneath any grand pianos next Tuesday…

Richard Morrison’s daft scaremongering in The Times: I knew this bloke who died in his 30s, therefore universities are evil.

Notes for book 2, god help me.

More My So-Called Life on dvd. Why the hell was there only one season of this?

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4 thoughts on “Never was a story of more woe…

  1. If you read the Times now and again, you will quickly notice that they never miss the chance for a – usually entirely spurious – mention of Oxford or Cambridge. That article was rubbish, but nothing he claims to be concerned about is specific to Oxbridge. sorry about the telly btw. How is cold turkey? Or have you scored by standing around outside Curry’s or something.

  2. Invariably Oxford rather than Cambridge, too. It seemed oddly lacking in any kind of current material or research as a piece in general – but I bet it still made lots of scared mummies reach for the phone. (Sorry, have spent all day watching the tiny children scurrying about looking bewildered.)The methodone (aka Madame Internette) is doing very nicely for the time being. Not quite the same as Neighbours, though…

  3. You should come round ours and watch TV. SkyPlus and everything – and I watch around one hour a day. I’m totally out of the habit – and the 45-min drama format irritates me. The resolution arrives somehow too quickly and conveniently.I WILL be Skyplusing that new naked David Duchovny show though!As for the other stuff, well yeah, Oxbridge isn’t for everyone; if you need to feel like the clever kid forever then it definitely isn’t right for you. The selection process is meant to watch out for this. For the very very very bright with limited social skills, there’s always Imperial…

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