big woo, biscuits and lies, books i've been reading, cooking, internet, kids' books i've been reading, other writers, telly

Cookery in Colour

In traditional fashion, I have spent the Bank Holiday doing DIY.  Specifically, decorating the kitchen.

turmeric lightning!

That’s what happens when you burrow in the cupboard for chick peas, and find the turmeric instead.  If I was a C15th spice merchant, I’d be well narked.  As it is, I’m quite impressed by my artistic jar-juggling skills.  I’m calling it Sunset Boulevard: Kitchen, and leaving it there for future generations to appreciate.  Or until I find my dustpan and brush.

book_mini  I’m slacking on the fiction front – always tricky when you’re knee deep in your own book to fully pay attention to someone else’s – so you’ll have to wait for my review of the marvellous Sarah Mussi’s new teen issue-thriller, Last of the Warrior Kings.   (It is killing me to keep putting it down, though.  Damn you, Mussi, and your cliffhangery ways!)  In the meantime, here’s Charlie Brooker talking about existentialism.  He’s always good value, but this column has bonus thought-provocation in with the LOLs.  It’s what Biscuits & Lies is about, really: becoming so accustomed to the rules of the unreal world (telly, movies, the internet, where you’re a safe observer in the audience, just a pseudonym among millions of untraceable others) that you can’t help but apply them to the real one, at which point everything goes tits-up up quite spectacularly.  Speaking of which…

pencil_mini  You know how last week I said I kept thinking of throwing the whole of B&L out of the window?  Well, I did.  (Metaphorically.  It was in my laptop: I sort of need that a bit too much to go throwing it at windows.)  I’ve nailed the heroine’s voice, at last.  The characters I’d planned out are writing themselves into unexpected, sparkly new people.  There’s a whole new subplot, and I have no idea how it will end: I’m spotting clues to it as I type them, and giggling, and scribbling down ridiculous possibilities, because who knows?  It’s a messy, impractical way to work: I can see already the places I’ll need to tighten up, the meandering chunks of dialogue that don’t do anything for the plot, are just there because I was having fun making these people talk to each other.  (I’m writing dialogue!  I’ve missed dialogue.)  But I don’t think my brain works any other way.  I’ve got the fundamental story set in stone, but if it’s all preconstructed, I get bored.  Knowing exactly where I’m going would be like reading the last page of the detective novel to find out whodunnit: simply unsporting, old chap.  I shall deny ever saying such things when I’m sweating over Edit #43, obviously, but right now, I’m having a riot.  Can there really be people on the planet who don’t want to do this for a living?

rocrastination_mini  Doing a little spoon-based dance round the kitchen while cooking, only to realise there were three students in the garden, probably weeing themselves at my old-lady moves; celebrating 2 chocolate-free weeks with pistachio ice-cream (I fit in my jeans again: sod it); Prison Break-ing like a mo-fo (2 eps from the end of Season 2: gosh *flails* etc); finally being a grown-up and going for a proper bra-fitting, which is much less scary than I’d imagined (though I was mentally writing an extra serafina67 scene where she did the same – with hi-larious consequences, of course).



13 thoughts on “Cookery in Colour”

  1. ‘Lo, sounds like you’re having fun spicing up your life (oh I do like my puns, don’t I?)

    Damn you Mussi *shakes fist* ever so dramatic. She told me she’d write something for Pop&Crisps and hasn’t done yet. Where’s your Seventies memory as well, missus? Too busy with your sparkly characters is no excuse!

  2. Just read your book and came across your site.
    *Bows down to writery awesomeness*
    (sorry i am very excited)
    anyhoo thank you for writing your excellent book, are you planning another?
    Hope you are well.

    PS. have been inspired by you and am now attempting to write my own VTN, it is called ‘When the Cows Attack’ Word count- 65 😉

  3. Josie: sorry, am struggling with a borked laptop so don’t hold your breath! Most of my 70s memories consist of watching The Professionals during the 90s, anyway…

    PartyCozWeWanna: *flails madly* (I’m quite excited now too!) How completely lovely of you, thank you so much. 😀 Am typing away like a loon at a new book which hopefully will be out next year. Although ‘When Cows Attack’ sounds much more interesting right now: perhaps I can insert some threatening bovines in there somewhere… Cheers for getting in touch, so very very kind of you. *flails a bit more*

  4. For those who don’t know, Susie not only writes fabulastic novels but she also makes the best cinnamon-free gingerbread man in town. Or the country. Maybe the world. Because as we all know, cinnamon is evil, even being known in some cultures as ‘The Devil’s Dust’ and should be banned from all households and restaurants on earth.
    But that Susie, ha? She writes great novels, doesn’t she???

  5. Wow, Polythene Pam. I can’t figure out who you are AT ALL. Not even remotely. 😛

    (BTW, have Emergency Laptop with dial-up to rescue me till the new one arrives, so my disaster weekend was a bit less disastrous! It does take about 3 hours to load a facebook page though, so don’t expect to see me about much. If you ever went anywhere like that. Or were wondering about my internet access, about which you know nothing, due to me not knowing who you are etc. Sorry. Have been out in the sun, I don’t think that was a good idea…)

  6. I’m cursed, I swear. I kill laptops. I don’t know what I do to them, they just fall to bits in my luminous presence.

    At least this time I was all backed up. Last time, there was most of a book stuck on a knackered hard drive, and a week long wait to find out whether it could be rescued. I am wiser now. 🙂

  7. Hey

    thanx for replying to my mad comment lol had just eaten some chocolate before i wrote that and was EXTREMELY HYPER 😉

    Thanx tho for replying, most writers when you try to contact them you get back this automatic reply which is v annoying.


  8. Yessssss!!! My power of disguise is still intact!!! I’m better than Jason Bourne at this (which you would know nothing about since you haven’t seen the film in that cinema with the uncomfortable seats that you kept sliding from).
    Booo for your internet connection! Does the dial up still make that pleasant sound of iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-OOOOOOOOOO… when it’s connecting???
    Let’s meet soon!

    This message will self destruct in five, four, …

  9. Susie darling, it’s quite alright. I have plenty of guest bloggers right now so don’t need to rally the troops. Plus I keep forgetting that you’re still a baby and probably don’t remember that much of the seventies. I kill laptops too, in fact this one is on the way out…

    Party, When Cows Attack sounds like a fabulous title – a bit Far Side I think. You’re right, Susie is a sweetie for replying to swooning fans, but she’s such a dear. I think that even when she’s a squllionnaire from all the bestsellers she’s writing, she’ll still find time to warble on the blog.

    Polythene Pam, I’ve not tried Susie’s gingerbread men, we usually have an Indian (food not man, though….) and I don’t know about the cinnamon. Your impression of dial-up has just made me all nostalgic. Sod the seventies, I want 2005 back again *sob*

    Altogether now… iiiiiiiiiiiioOOOOOOOO-rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  10. Suze! You have an Internet reader fan!

    PartyCoz…yes Big Woo is a great inspiration for getting on with a VTN, isn’t it?

    Re cinnamon, I’m with Seinfeld on this. What isn’t improved by cinnamon? As he says, anytime you taste something good and go..hmm, what’s in this, they reply ‘cinnamon’.

    I want to do Seinfeld marathon. I think I may have to to return to ancient VHS technology and just play my old tapes…

  11. PartyCozWeWanna: most writers are Busy and Important. I am Lazy and Distractable. It’s a winning combination, I promise. (And all online activity should be accompanied by chocolate, oh yes.)

    Pam: yep, modems still make the noise. Always reminds me of Spectrums loading, which used to have exciting wiggly lines running up and down the screen as well as a horrible screechy noise, and also went on for about half an hour. Those were the days…

    Josie: usually my gingerbread men do contain cinnamon, natch. I made special ones just for weird freaky people who don’t like it, though. Hmm, might be tempted to bash out a batch for us to nibble on next weekend: biscuits go with curry, right? 😛

    MG: yes, isn’t it exciting? And see above with the cinnamon. It makes everything nice: I even put it in my Welsh cakes, which is probably some kind of sacrilege. I still need to watch Seinfeld properly. Be warned, though: have been dipping into Buffy via VHS and ye gods, it looks like crap these days.

  12. Can I be Important and Distractible? Biscuits go with everything, m’dear. Esp Lies I think. So yes pls do bring them next weekend and I promise not to lie. I might lie down though, is that okay? I’ve never watched Seinfeld so can’t comment on that, but I’ve thought Buffy was crap right from the beginning.

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