biscuits and lies

Reality bats

I humbly apologise for the shoddy lack of regular updates lately.  Alas, the part of my brain that I use to form sentences is the size of a peanut (the rest is all pictures of kittens, misheard song lyrics, and dialogue from Firefly), and can only produce a peanut-sized quantity of them per day before start I like Yoda typing.

So in lieu of a proper post, here’s the best news story ever written, containing as it does the holy trinity of local news: underwear, a small furry creature in peril, and just enough wild implausibility to make you believe it’s true.  The peanut, he is envious.


26 thoughts on “Reality bats”

  1. lmao, just read the story.

    [QUOTE] ”I felt quite sorry for it. Perhaps I should have left it there and given it a good home”

    There are no words left in my shocked little brain 😀

  2. I liked the bit where she said she thought it was her mobile phone vibrating: does she normally keep that in her bra, then?

    So very bewildering, on so very many levels…

  3. All the best people keep their mobiles in the bra. How else are we to know when it is vibrating? I like the bit where it says that she is a 34FF and refers to her bra as ‘padded’.

    When I come back in my next life, can I be that bat?

  4. I did wonder whether the padding was really required. We Bravissimo girls need no such assistance, surely?

    Your Victoria Wood comment reminds me: she’s as fab on bras as she is on yoga. ‘They say you need to wear a bra if you can hold a pencil under your boobs. I can fit an entire branch of WHSmiths under one of mine…’

  5. Hee – I just found the ghostly Welsh slug! Brilliant. It has teeth, ffs. A massive white slug with teeth. I demand it appears in Doctor Who immediately.

  6. I am actually quite nervous about the slug. I was thinking of getting a wormery, but now am a bit anxious about the poor mites…

  7. Aren’t wormeries self-contained? Or am I thinking of ant farms?

    You could always supply your worms with false teeth. Or armour plating. Or train them with ninja skills.

  8. well Susie, thanks for the Bravissimo tip – just been into town and it turns out I’m an FF too! Would know if I had a bat in there, though.

  9. Bravissimo rule! After spending my teenage years in badly fitting Triumph Doreen bras (doesn’t the name say it all!) it was a revelation to discover that sizes like 34GG existed and big bras didn’t have to look like they’d been made from recycled Russian parachutes.

    Plus, it’s the one shopping spree husbands don’t complain about!!!!!!

  10. What? When there’s conversations to be had about bras? I won’t be able to do this when I’m married, you know.

  11. Eh? I’m not sure I’d classify any of my bra experiences as unsafe, though some were undoubtedly fairly unpleasant. (Pregnancy opens up a whole new world of awfulness in that department, as in so many others.)

  12. Rarg: I’m sure the future Mrs Rarg has a bra or two of her own. But in case not…DD cups! Multiway strapping! LOW-FRONT BALCONETTE! May such thoughts fortify you tomorrow. 😛

    J: the maternity bra probably tops the Triumph Doreen in the unappealing undies stakes. Though I’m still quite alarmed at the existence of the maternity thong, tbh…

  13. Maternity thong?????????????????????

    thanx, now i will wake up screaming every night until i am 25


  14. Oh, you wouldn’t believe what’s out there. Why anyone thinks I care about VPL when I cannot see my feet and look like a weeble I’m not sure, but I guess there must be a market for this stuff.

  15. I’d heard of maternity thongs, not that I browse the underwear section any more than your average person of course! I assumed they were for people who are obsessed with having matching pants and bra and have to buy a maternity bra. Because if they were designed differently to the usual thong for being a maternity thong then you’ve got to wonder what it is that’s different? Or maybe you don’t wonder. Sorry, Gillian, there goes another 25 years of screaming for you.

    Rarg I hope your day was fabulous and not clouded by thoughts of Bravissimo and FFF cups etc.

  16. Er, I’m not sure you really want to know this, but believe me, the bump goes lower and gets larger than you would believe possible.

  17. Jess thank you so much for that information! (not) If I were not already sworn off men then this may well turn me. eugh. and women too – or maybe only pregnant women. oh I wasn’t turned on to them anyway. I should shut up now.

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