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The Book That Never Was

I mentioned I was scrabbling around for a suitable ‘work-in-progress’ title for my next book, and now, alas, I seem to have one – although The Book That Someone Else Has Just Written And Will Be Published Next Year Sometime, Thus Making Your Effort A Bit Pointless might be more accurate.  Catchy, eh?  Yep, the one thing that can absolutely scupper a book has happened: someone else has got there first.

But if I can ignore the petrol-flavoured grey Slush Puppie currently dribbled all over Oxford’s pavements because it was lovely pristine crunchy white snow before that, I can continue to look on the bright side:

  •  presumably it was quite a good idea for a book, then
  • I’ve found out now (at the outline stage), not 50,000 words too late
  • I get to read it, without the tiresome inconvenience of writing it first (and I don’t even know how this one ends!)
  • tomorrow, I’m going to eat some cake while thinking up some daft new idea to play with

Anyone wishing to contribute an inspirational random word (or cake) to facilitate the latter activity, please comment away.  Otherwise I might run with the female Mexican wrestling team who are actually undercover teenage spies.  In space.  I’m fairly sure no one’s written that one yet.

book_mini  I’m adoring and envying The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, to the point where I hardly dare pick it up again in case I accidentally finish it, and then it’ll be over.  Spooky, and funny, with a keen child’s-eye view for the peculiarities of the adult world (whether it’s peopled by the living or the dead).  And it just won the Newbery.  See, everyone else thinks you should read it too.  Go on, go on, go on…

pencil_mini  So, undercover wrestlers in space, right?  Meanwhile, Girl Meets Cake is still coming out in the UK in April, and apparently my US publishers are plotting… something. I like it when they do that. 🙂

rocrastination_mini  Devouring S1 of The Wire, which is every bit as remarkable as everyone has told you (grown-ups only, sorry); enjoying Slumdog Millionaire (though the first half is the best bit); perfecting my linguine gamberi; entertaining Extra Small Person and his lovely mummy, who should come back soon for more Pad Thai and learning how to roll over.


14 thoughts on “The Book That Never Was”

  1. I tried you random word generator, and it came up with….


    which is not much use for inspiration, really.

    How about ‘axolotl’ ??? They were on QI last week, so now even more people will have been amazed by their general weirdness. Perhaps the Mexican wrestlers in space can keep them as pets!

  2. OOH
    Just looked up your new book.
    Is it written more like Serafina67/Big woo or a normal book?
    I’ll probably get it either way but the blogish one would win.

    P.S: I heart your writing!

    And not sure what you want a word for but here; Polka-dotted frogs!

    That was more than a word D:

  3. Oh, I had an idea for a novel about a crime-fighting hobo you can steal too, by the way. ❤
    The title must be Bearded Justice.

  4. I’ll plump for the female Mexican wrestling team (but you knew I would din’t you!?). Poor you, but then again there is nothing new under the sun and if the book that was yours but someone nicked it right out of your brain turns out to be a flop then you’ll be able to feel superior.

    Bearded Justice has got me thinking now…

  5. PS the Paris je t’aime blog page still eludes me. It just comes up with a photo and nothing else, not even the menu on the right. So is there something wrong with my computer or does anyone else get that?

  6. Jess – Graveyard was a grand choice, yes: will lend when you next visit?

    Nicky – haha, ‘write’ seems quite perfect actually. But write what, that’s the question! I was quite thrilled to see axolotls on QI and to already know lots about them, anyway. Perhaps they could be the team mascot: The Wrestling Axolotls, anyone?

    Harmony – polka-dotted frogs! Bearded Justice! Love it. And welcome to the blog. 😀 Girl Meets Cake isn’t a blog novel like serafina67/Big Woo, sorry, but the internet still plays a very important part in the story – so you’ll still find some blogs (and IMs, and emails, and imaginary conversations with people off imaginary TV shows, and, um, recipes) popping up as you go along. I tried to write something a bit more ‘conventional’, but I can’t seem to help wandering off into more random territory…

    Josie – I’d love it to be a huge success, actually! I think it would be even more depressing if everyone hated it. How goes your sequel? (Oh, and apparently it’s a browser problem with the Paris post: why are you using IE? Get on the Firefox bandwagon, missy!)

  7. I am already missing The Book That Never Was! But sure you’ll come up with something even more fab.

    I can’t get on with The Wire. R Kid gave us two series on DVD but everytime we watch them I fall asleep after about 40 mins. Not to be watched in bed, I fear…

  8. Oh, you are missing out, truly. Definitely not to be watched in bed: this is the kind of stuff you actually have to pay attention to, because it cuts the audience no slack whatsoever. And now I feel sad for the world of television, because ‘you should actually be watching this not checking your email and cooking dinner at the same time’ really ought to apply to most shows, not the very occasional gem. 😦

    Cheers for booky talk: am thinking, thinking, thinking…

  9. I’ve just been reading that people who chronically procrastinate are afraid of dying. I kid you not!

    Ferrari, J. R., Johnson, J. & McCown, W. G. (1995) Procrastination and Task Avoidance: Theory, Research, and Treatment New York: Springer

    Funny how when I was reading about procrastinating I thought about you and had to come over here to post a message, thus avoiding doing the work that I was doing when I found the reference.

    Anyway, how are you cherub? Hope you had a good Valentine’s day and looking forward to pancake day. And, er, writing a book?

  10. Who isn’t afraid of dying? I mean, it’s not like I lie awake at night quivering at the prospect, but I think I speak for most when I say: Death? Not a fan.

    Valentine’s Day was quite ridiculously lovely (yours?): am spending the weekend eating cake, and then pancakes on Tuesday. I will try to fit in some book writing somewhere. Oh, I’m going for lunch with my editor this week, actually. I’m not sure I’ll fit under my desk after all this…

  11. Why would you be under the desk? Hiding from editor?

    No, not a fan of death but then not morbidly petrified either (morbid, did you see what I did there? haha). I suppose it depends on whether you believe in an afterlife or reincarnation. The thing with this theory was the procrastination being a way of denying the existence of death. Or something.

    Anyway, happy birthday! I’m so crap at remembering but Ruth’s email just prompted me. So that’s what the cake is then, definitely a glut of celebrating going on for you at the mo. My valentines day was a relief more than anything because Alys just out of surgery, we hadn’t bought each other presents but went to Ikea for a new sofa. Is that romantic? Suppose it depends on what happens on the sofa once we get it!

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